In the realm of communication within relationships, it’s common to encounter misunderstandings and conflicts. Feeling frustrated or hurt is understandable; I understand where you’re coming from. But there’s a way forward. By accepting our role in the issue and offering assistance, we can improve communication and find solutions together.
1- Offer an understanding statement (introduces feelings, empathy) (ex: “It makes sense that you would feel x. I get where you are coming from.”)
2- Take partial responsibility (indicates person is willing to accept a role in creating or solving a specific problem)
3- Offer help (final way to enhance communication is through an offer to help) (ex: “What can I do to help you or us in this situation.”)
(Outcome: decrease in defensiveness leads to more open lines of communication)
Important factors to note:
*Try to understand and then wait to be understood
*How open are you to listening? We get frustrated at someone because we have some unmet needs, so we go at them with a hammer. What could be considered a different and more constructive way to express your need?
*Focus on the problem versus the person
*Don’t always have to see things the same but more importantly, understanding the different perspective.
*Try to use ‘I’ or ‘we’ instead of ‘you’ or blaming the other person
*Identify feelings before communicating and think about what you want to get out of talking
*Think about what you need from the person—be very specific with them
*Think about if your expectations are reasonable or not and think about how you would feel if someone spoke to you that same way
*Be aware of your tone of voice and wait until you’re cooled off before communicating or take a break … imagine how you wish to come off to them and emulate that
3 solutions to every problematic situation in a relationship:
1.) Change the situation
2.) Accept the situation
3.) Choose to see the situation differently and modify the reaction to experience in a way that becomes acceptable for you
*It is okay to have problems in relationships. The power comes from working to break patterns and a place of openness in understanding the other person’s point of view.
*Think: Would I rather come off as being a kind person or being the ‘right’ person in the argument? You often can’t be both.
In the journey of communication within relationships, empathy and accountability are essential. By embracing these principles, we can reduce defensiveness and foster understanding. Let’s focus on solving the problem together.
