Perpetual problems
Many conflicts in long relationships are not solvable, and treating them as solvable is often the actual problem. A large part of this work is learning to hold a difference without it becoming a referendum on the relationship.
Approach: Gottman Method
A structured framework for an unstructured argument.
The Gottman Method gives couples work a shape: an assessment phase, shared language for what is going wrong, and specific skills for the moments that reliably derail.
What It Covers
The framework in practice.
- An assessment phase, including time with each partner
- Naming the four communication patterns that escalate conflict
- Softened start-up: how the first ninety seconds decide the rest
- Repair attempts, and learning to accept one
- Recognizing physiological flooding and calling a real pause
- Rebuilding friendship and shared meaning, not only conflict management
How Amber uses it
She works from the Gottman framework and blends it with emotionally focused therapy where the attachment layer underneath the argument needs attention. Structure for the conflict, depth for the bond.
More on the Gottman Framework
What the assessment phase is for
Before anything is fixed, the work maps what is already there: how the two of you talk about a problem, what happens in the first minutes of a disagreement, where friendship is still strong and where it has thinned. Time with each partner on their own is part of that picture.
The point is a shared, specific description of the pattern, so neither of you is left defending your version of what is wrong.
Between sessions
Couples usually leave with one or two small, concrete things to practice, such as how to open a hard conversation or how to call a real pause when someone is flooded. They are reviewed at the next session, including when they did not go well.
Sessions are available in person in Coral Gables, Coconut Grove and Manhattan, or by video when both partners are in Florida or New York.
Both partners are welcome on the consultation call.
Tell us a little about what brings you here and we will find a time to talk.